I have realised that my threat response means that I have always assumed the worst. Since childhood, I have always assumed that most people I meet will dislike or be angered by something I have done. Mindfulness teacher, Rick Hanson (rickhanson.net) describes this as negativity bias where our minds are like Velcro for negative experiences but Teflon for positive ones. This is because our brains have evolved to be vigilant and wary. The amalygela, our alarm bell of the brain, uses many of its neurons to look for bad news: it’s primed to go negative in most of us.
One of of last weekend's lecturers spoke about her powerful experiences of befriending her own threat responses. She became aware of these when she noticed herself judging some one's appearance on the train. She reflected that this was a pattern of behaviour and by exploring this, recognised that it came from growing up during a civil war in Northern Ireland. This judgement came from a desire for safety and was a amalygela threat response. She then courageously decided that she would create an environment of safety for each person that she met rather than one of judgement.
This insight reminded me of my own threat responses from a childhood spent often walking on eggshells as a result of my dad recovering from meningitis and brain surgery. Living with the legacy of hyper-vigilance left on my mum when my brother's father was killed by a back-firing gun when my brother was three years old. Throw in some exposure to violence and some alcohol misuse as parental coping strategies and my alarm system was set pretty well. Rick Hanson also highlights that once the amygdala sounds the alarm, negative events and experiences get quickly stored in our memory-in contrast to positive events and experiences, which are not prioritised in the same way.
As I listened to the lecturer's story, it was her brave decision to take action, to embody this insight by creating a space of safety for everyone that she met, which made me want to fall to my knees. A question formed in my head-what if instead of assuming the worst, I assumed the best? If instead of assuming people are annoyed with me, I assume that people are delighted with me? Instead of feeling remarked upon, I am remarkable? How that would this feel to everyone that comes into contact with me? Imagine the place of safety and welcome that I would create for others when I am assuming the very best for us.
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