Self-discovery Feels Awesome

I am Cath, I am 45, I am now single (first time in 30, yes 30 years!), I am an ex-wife (twice actually), I am a step-mother, I am a daughter, I am a sister, I am an auntie, I am a friend, I am god-momma, I am a social worker and social work educator.

I am a lot of "roles" and experiences but I am not sure who "I" am. I know I have never been single before because I was literally terrified of being on my own, I know I have lived my whole life trying to please and/or rescue people, I know I have let other people's opinions of me matter more than my opinion of me, I know I have been damaged by being a local authority social worker, I know I am fearful, hypervigilant, I know I constantly doubt myself, take responsibility for things I should n't, I know I keep myself small.

Any yet by not leaping into another relationship, or lets face it, marriage, I know I am in the process of giving myself a gift. The gift of me!!

I am learning that I am funny, warm, kind, caring, empathetic. I am learning that I am creative and fucking fabulous, I am learning awareness of my power. I am learning that I have a true self, which exists as the truest part of me. I am learning that I can find me most when I am quiet in meditation or reading, yet also in music which makes me dance, like really fucking dance and its in nature, amongst the trees and water. This true self is also in having deep conversations/laughing uproariously with dear friends.

I am learning that I want to be in these places for the rest of my life, to be open-hearted, kind, compassionate, raw, real and vulnerable.To be scared of writing this fucking thing and to do it anyway, to commit to writing something brave and kind everyday, to get to know this awesome true self and maybe help others get to know theirs. Though self discovery is solo gig, it helps to have the words and support of others-as awesome spiritual dude, Ram Dass fabulously said "we are all walking each other home".

I commit to this true self by my continued efforts over the next 100 days to daily blogs of bravery, however big or however small. I commit to being BraveAsFuck woohoo!