Courage Over Comfort: show up, be seen, answer the call

So today's act of personal courage is to listen to my intuition. I continue to notice a lot of inner resistance to writing this. A lot of negative self talk (why am I doing this? how the fuck will I find something to write about for 100 days? why the fuck do I think anyone would want to actually read what I have written etc etc). I have shared a couple of posts with some awesome people in my life and have found it just excruciating afterwards. It feels exposing and I immediately dive into a massive pool of regret for sending the email link and shame for thinking my thoughts are worthy of sharing with others (despite truly beautiful feedback).

So I am reminding myself of why I am doing this. I have been working on a project called Social Work Stories after being inspired by a quote by the Dalia Lama that says 'the world does not need more successful people, the world needs more storytellers, healers and lovers'. After feeling pretty broken by the local authority system of social work and as a practice educator, I feel a responsibility to help social work students entering the same structures. I just was n't too sure how best to do this.

This brilliant quote reminded me of the power of story telling. At uni, it was the social workers in practice who visited to tell their story that everyone really listened to and valued. And so I am asking inspirational current or former social workers to tell their stories-why they got into social work, what light them up about being a social worker, what were the bumps along the way and how did they manage them. And very importantly, how they learnt to keep themselves safe working within these structures.

I also realised that if I am asking people to tell their story then I have to be able to tell mine. This was something that my Mum pointed out to me a while ago when I was nervous about introducing workshop contributors in my current job. She basically said that if I am asking people to stand up and be vulnerable then I must willing to be just as vulnerable.

Yet I experienced weeks of resistance as soon as I realised that I needed to tell my own story. The sort of resistance where it feels like something physical that you have to push away. Until one morning recently when the words Brave As Fuck and 100 days came into my head (I have always thought Kind As Fuck was a kickass name for an open-hearted business). And I knew it was my intuition (Louise Hay called it her 'inner ting') because it was SO clear and kind, without any of the background noise that tends to accompany my thinking.

So this is my way of finding out my story through the act of vulnerable storytelling for 100 days-and as dear, wise friend, Heidi said-the act of doing anything for 100 days is a serious commitment. She also nailed it when she suggested this is a commitment to myself, that I am proposing unconditional marriage to myself, that on an unconscious level my whole being must be sensing 'she really means it, she is going to stand by me and for me and be on my side FOR REALS NO MATTER WHAT'. Oh how I love this.

And if no one else reads a thing that I write, I know that I am writing to overcome my discomfort, to get to know myself and my story so that I can ask others to tell theirs. Synchronistically, my fabulous friend, Joan sent me a message earlier reminding me that Brene Brown (aka the Queen as my awesome yoga teacher aptly called her) says we can't truly connect with others until we are able to show our true vulnerabilities #beasyouare #courageovercomfort #braveasfuck.