We have just been given our first online task. This involves reading several articles on reflective journalling and sharing the one which resonated most with us and explain why. And here is what I have just posted on the online forum (where all 60 people in my class can read it):
I knew straight away the one that I wanted to write about was Pavlovich (2007). While I was reading about the key themes from the literature-that experience acts as the context for personal learning and that the mental activity that reviews the experience may result in emotional discomfort, I gasped when I read the words, emotional discomfort.
These words immediately reminded me of the horror of the early days of writing and sharing a blog where I commit to being vulnerable. This emotional discomfort/horror often manifested in physical anxiety including shortness of breath.
This 100 day challenge (today is day 70) has involved taking a risk in the content that I write, ranging from my childhood wounding including parental mental/physical health issues and exposure to violence, life experiences of infidelity, infertility, suicidal ideation, divorces, including writing about my second divorce in real time and exploring a life-long desire to please and rescue. This exposure has felt like a massive risk in not being accepted.
Pavlovich identifies a fourth theme that the untangling of this emotional discomfort involves careful consideration of the experience and should lead to constructive action so that existing relationships and patterns are challenged. As part of my commitment to writing this reflective blog, I actively have chosen to lean in when I feel discomfort rather than pull away. I have committed to weekly person-centred therapy to assist this process.
To promote interconnectedness, I have shared what I write with a very small circle of trusted individuals and their deep resonance with my reflections have made me braver. I have carefully considered each experience and my reaction to it, recognising it often comes from a place of fearful, conditioned thinking. I have been able to challenge my childhood belief of not feeling enough, of needing to please or rescue to be validated or have a husband or children to feel complete.
This article really resonated as I honestly feel that this commitment to daily reflective journaling in the form of a blog has allowed me to start coming home to my authentic self (which is now my intension in my daily mindfulness practice). I have massively debated being so vulnerable in this response however have chosen to remain true to current form and lean into this discomfort ;). #holyfuckingshit #couragetotallyovercomfort #braveasfuck.
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