I have just woken up at 1 am with anxiety. Anxiety that I have just applied for a new job, that my application was so long they would think it was a masters proposal, that I am too intense, that I make life hard for myself, that I have failed in my commitment to myself in writing this blog every day for 100 days.
I have literally been absorbed in writing this application for the last few days. Unable to think about any other aspects in my life absorbed. Missed my mortgage renewal deadline absorbed. Not replied to messages absorbed. Not able to think about writing this blog absorbed.
Yet when I was writing this application, I felt passion, enthusiasm and possibility. Mindful psychologist, Rick Hanson (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8l_vuqpbb7U) calls these positive feelings being in the 'green zone' and that our brains are hardwired for this zone, the green zone is our natural resting state. Yet we need to train our brains to stay in this green zone (neuroplasticity).
Writing these blogs are training my brain to stay in the green zone by allowing a space to reflect on things which hold me back, keep me in the red zone. The responses from others reading push me further into the green zone. Responses that tell me that my quest for vulnerability and openheartedness are helping them in their own quest.
So not writing for a few days is ok and going a few days later in my 100 day challenge is ok. Because for the last few days I have been embodying the effects of this blogging project.
I have literally been putting my bravery into practice by pushing myself completely out of my comfort zone to apply for a job which I would never previously have had the courage to apply for #badassery #greenzoneliving #braveasfuck.
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