I am reading a book called Diamond Mind by Rob Nairn, founder of the Mindfulness Association which delivers the MsC in Mindfulness Studies alongside the University of Aberdeen. Rob was asked to bring Eastern buddhism to the West in 1967 by the Dalai Lama. Which is pretty fucking cool.
In the book, Rob talks about the human motivation to help others, for compassion. That the human condition is suffering and when we see it, we instinctively want to help. This made me reflect on my time as a social worker in a substance misuse team. Working with individuals who were misusing substances to cope with significant trauma.
Despite witnessing significant suffering, I loved working in this area. Working with a strengths-based, person centred tool like motivational interviewing, which is also known as the dance of compassion. The dance being where you are connecting with the rhythm of another human being at the exact point that they are in their life.
One such dance was with Craig, who had spent his life trying to fit into a world of toxic masculinity whilst coping alone with the impact of childhood sexual abuse. I quietly ignored the 'three missed appointments and close the case' policy and just kept calling him every Friday afternoon.
After a while, Craig started showing up at my office out of the blue. And we began to work together. He found the courage to stop drinking, leave his wife and a life which was n't working for him to move into supported accommodation. The last time we spoke many years ago he had called full of excitement to say that he had just been on a march against sexual abuse. He was living his best life. Go Craig.
Or Jackie. Who I first met when she was in crisis homeless accommodation after a lost weekend drinking. When Jackie was sober, she had the kindest heart.
However, when she was drunk, she was super abusive, telling the world to repeatedly fuck right off. Jackie also self-harmed frequently when she was drinking. After a while, local ambulance services started to attend her house with a police escort because she was so abusive. Jackie received further police charges when came in to see her criminal justice social worker with a large kitchen knife in her jacket and tried to cut her wrists.
I knew that Jackie was in a massive amount of emotional pain. Yet, I found working with her really difficult as I was still developing my own emotional intelligence. I made mistakes, however I stuck in and she started to trust me.
It took several months to develop our relationship before she trusted me enough to tell me that she had been sexually abused as a child. It took another few months until she felt ready to accept support and I was able to introduce her to Fiona, an incredibly emotionally intelligent addictions psychologist. Jackie started to trust Fiona and was able to start looking at her inner pain to heal her outer world.
Or Jamie, aged 21 who had been diagnosed with Huntington's Disease and was showing symptoms. Jamie's dad had chosen to take his life when he became symptomatic and Jamie had chosen alcohol and drugs to numb his own pain at his diagnosis. I remember going to pick him up from Addiewell prison (he had been picking up charges since his diagnosis and had just got his first short sentence). However Jamie had been released early and had headed straight over the local fields to find somewhere to buy booze. Not able to face his reality yet.
Detensions under mental health legislation followed.I called the duty community psychiatric nurse myself on one occasion from outside Jamie's flat after he had barricaded himself in. He was convinced that dark forces were out to get him with paranoia being one of the symptoms of Huntington's Disease. This was exacerbated by his substance misuse. I called Jamie's mum after I called the CPN and remember her relief that he would be taken somewhere safe. Without doubt, Jamie's case was one of the hardest in my career as he and his family struggled with so much.
Yet despite such suffering, there was the feeling that I was helping, that the relationships that I built with individuals allowed them some space and safety to make positive changes.
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