I have been brain fogged again. Yesterday afternoon, the dynamics of others in my working life triggered brain fog, confusion and an immediate energy drain that can take time to recover from.
In therapy with Laura last night she described the behaviour of one individual as manipulative and that she felt it was important that I know this.
This has taken several hours to process and some geeky seeking. I have researched manipulative behaviour, coming across an interesting Australian journal article, describing it as the shadow side of emotional intelligence.
The study looked at whether more emotionally intelligent individuals may use their skills to the detriment of others in the workplace; for example, to make others feel ashamed or uneasy. The implications of this dark side are substantial. In Australia, a third of employees attribute their stress levels to the workplace.
The primary aim of the research was to assess an individual's willingness to manipulate others at work and in their day-to-day life. This was an online survey and participants remained anonymous. They were asked questions such as How often do you make some one feel uneasy? and In general, how often do you embarrass some one to stop them behaving in a particular way?.
When I read the last comment, I had a flashback to our work Christmas lunch when this person made a 'jokey' comment in response to my Christmas joviality that was so cutting that my eyes automatically filled with tears. The individual recognised the impact of this and changed their behaviour. Which confused me and triggered my Pavlovian people pleasing response.
Other similar incidents flood through as realisation dawns. I reflected with Laura last night why I had missed this red flag again. She suggested that maybe I did n't want to accept that people can act like that.
I immediately sensed the childhood legacy that has continued in different forms to adulthood of not being able to accept my dad's violence towards my brother when we were children. Of not accepting that people who I look to for leadership do not always act as leaders. Well, until now that is #breakingfree #nomoretoxicrelationships #braveasfuck.
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