I just had an 'oh fuck' moment of realisation during yoga. My mind was drifting into thinking and I was practicing gently pulling it back to the present moment. Thoughts of work came into my head and I thought of a recent zoom meeting with some local authorities.
A comment made by some one in the meeting came back to me. I had been giving a positive update on the work I had been developing within online placements and her comment was fairly negative. The kind of response that I dread from individuals who have coped with many years of local authority bureaucracy by getting tougher.
However, when this thought dropped into my head instead of following it to it's usual route where I become smaller, I remembered last night's 'oh fuck' moment. I had been reading 'The Diamond Mind' by Rob Nairn, who writes with the presence and wisdom of great teachers such as Maya Angelou or Eckhart Tolle.
Rob had written of tranquility, which is the condition where our mind is settled and happy to be present with whatever is arising. I had to read that line several times. Happy to be present with whatever is happening.
On some level, I had assumed that tranquility is where we feel happy and meditation will get me and keep me there. Which is probably why I have been so reluctant to meditate-I am frustrated that I am not in blissful, nirvana states. Tranquility does n't mean that we feel lovely. It does n't mean that we start feeling blissful. It does n't stop our minds from having thoughts.
Rob explains that tranquility means that we begin to settle down in the presence of whatever is happening. Even if it is a strong painful emotion, if our mind is completely OK with that, and is not unsettled by it, we can be tranquil and yet we can also be experiencing painful emotions. Quite the wonderful paradox.
Something else happens when we start settling our mind. It starts removing the conflict. So this morning, when this person's comment came into my head, I remembered this wisdom and realised that I could be comfortable with this thinking. I could let the thought make me feel smaller. I could let it join old patterns of thoughts which love thinking that I am not enough. I could be OK with that.
The insight is starting to form that what if I were to apply the same wisdom to other areas of conflict that I experience in my workplace? #sundaymorninginsights #trainingmymind #braveasfuck.
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