I Write So That My Head Won't Explode

As I meditate, be more mindful and go deeper in therapy, I realise that I low level

worry. I low level worry a lot.

I worry that I have upset some one/anyone/everyone. I worry that some one won’t like me. I worry that everyone actually hates me. I worry that my laugh is too loud. I worry that I have the wrong note pad for the new (and very awesome) mindful leadership course I have just started.

I recently liberated a mouse from my humane trap (after being terrified and needing Whatsapp coaching on independent action from next door neighbour and 2 of my best pals). I worried that I had separated the mouse from its family so released it pretty much in the back garden. After worrying about just how much trauma it would have experienced.

I worry that I am wearing shorts yet it does nt look that warm. I worry that I should have chosen coffee instead of tea. I worry that I am not spending enough time with each individual family member.

My daily life and internal chatter is a series of low level worrying. One definition of worrying is to alarm oneself. So I am effectively alarming myself on daily basis. Shit.

Yet in the last week I have noticed that when I am focusing on writing these blogs, I am not worrying. I am totally absorbed and present in the same way as when I meditate, am in nature or on a silent retreat.

When I was looking for an image for this post with the very specific search request “head blowing up” (just to super emphasis the impact of low level worrying/alarming lol), I came across the lines “I write so that my head won’t explode”. Aha. This strengthens my badassery resolve to keep on writing #braveasfuck.