Raging

The other day, I fought with my sister. And my mindful communication went right out the window. I quickly regressed to being a really angry kid. So did she. However, we got a lot of things off our chest before it deteriorated to just yelling "fuck you" at each other. A lot.

I was so angry that I wanted to hit her. I did n't but I really wanted to. As kids we had spectacular fights which included me chucking a clog (it was the 80s) at her and her coming at me with a knife (I think it was blunt). If I had had a clog nearby, I think I would have chucked it at her.

I have n't had an argument that bad with my sister for a few years. In the past, I would give myself an outrageously hard time for my behaviour afterwards. I would taken responsibility for all of the argument and submerged myself in guilt and shame.

Except this time I did n't. I did message shortly afterwards to apologise for how I expressed my anger. However, I did not apologise for feeling this anger. I explained why I thought my anger was justified.I actually owned my anger. My growing self-worth means that I recognise that I have a right to have and express my feelings. However, my delivery needs a lot of work.

We stayed out of each other's way for a few days. Then yesterday, I got the most beautiful message from her reaching out and saying that I had helped her to reflect on some areas in her life that she needed to reflect on. What a girl.

Later, we went for a walk and talked it all out, recognising the many layers that exist when siblings fight. We agreed that when things come up for us in the future we will work on communicating as healthy adults rather than crazy kids. And it seems that by choosing to be brave and own my feelings, my sister felt able to do the same. #lovemysister #vulnerabilityisstrength #braveasfuck.