I woke up early yesterday morning, did a short guided morning meditation but skipped my usual writing (either my journal, a piece of work for the 6 month mindfulness leadership course I am doing or this daily blog). I went downstairs earlier than usual for a cup of tea.
And I was an unsettled pain in the backside. I felt irritated by everything because I really wanted to be back upstairs writing. I became aware that I was projecting my crap mood onto both parents. I went outside and watched the sheep eating and looked at the morning waves. This helped me get mindful of my mood.
I went back in and apologised for being a grumpy cow-my mum said wisely 'sometimes we just get out of bed on the wrong side'. A while ago, my mum and I made a pact (we actually shook hands on it) to forgive each other quickly and easily for these 'flare ups' recognising these as family traits. Infact, recently she told me that her uncle was simply known as "Flare Up" due to his tendency to fly off the handle at times.
My mother also recently pointed out in the way that only mothers can that 'of course no-one was moodier than you, Cath' suggesting that as a child, I opted to huff rather than flare. My dad actually used to call me Cate Boose (boose is a huff) as a kid (many layers of comedy gold in there!).
I hope as a healthy adult I manage these moods more skilfully. Yet sometimes I just don't. And I think that is ok. I think that is being human. I am also learning what helps me to recalibrate, to turn it around and come back to peace #feelingallthefuckingfeelings #beasyouare #braveasfuck.
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