Thank You For Peeling My Orange

How do you thank your mother for all that she has done and is in your life? I thought I would start by thanking her for peeling my orange. I had mentioned to her that I found the wee oranges tricky to open. The next morning, there was a peeled orange sitting on the kitchen unit for me.

During this month long trip to Argyll, I have been acutely reminded of how much I love my mum. We are very similar which has been known to cause clashes. We can both operate from outrageous defensiveness and/or martyrdom over incredibly small issues and can be very snappy (especially when tired/stressed). I have also just learnt that I can transfer my own struggle to process difficult feelings onto her and accuse her of not understanding me.

However, we have learnt to apologise pretty much immediately to each other. A while ago, we made a pact to forgive each other quickly, to recognise this is just us and how we are.

This week-end, we made another pact to try to listen more to other people as we realised that our love of talking/story-telling means that we are often waiting to jump in to tell a story when some one is talking.

We have been trying to do this with others, however do struggle with each other. With each other, we tend to talk over each other. And these are the best times, drinking a few gin and tonics and laughing uproariously.

We have just spent a glorious week-end remembering old characters who have lived in the village, the many parties and celidhs and of life on a farm. My mum is a great story teller. A recent one I heard is her opening the bedroom curtains and Duncan yelling to "shut them, quick" because in the field outside, Pansy Potter (beloved old pet cow from childhood) would see them and begin 'roaring‘. Hungry farm animals can kept you hostage until fed.

During this trip, I have been increasing struck by the fact that my mum is nearly 80 and actually won't be around for ever. Well that and that she tells me frequently. My mum has been awaiting death since my granny died in her early 60s and she assumed the same thing would happen to her. It has become a family joke as her cries of 'if I'm spared' whenever a future family event is planned.

However, I also have become aware that she is right, she won't be around for ever. What will I do when I can't pick up the phone and have the regular conversations, the laughs, the gentle scoldings, the connection with the person who has loved you for your whole life and continues to love you so much they don't want you to struggle with tricky small oranges?

Well, I can tell her I love her more while she is here. And I can recognise that she brings up her death because she needs to talk about it. And I can listen to her. "Real love is n't about what we did yesterday, it's about what we do today and tomorrow and the day after that" (Grace Lee Boggs). #foronemoreday #motherlove #braveasfuck.