My realisation that my wee child has been present within a work relationship has made me think a lot. I suddenly realised the ways that I am holding myself back in this job. Again. That I often make myself smaller, adapt, over apologise then feel resentful and snappy because I am not being authentic.
I am becoming more aware of how my own unconscious view of myself can influence how others view and treat me. I am becoming more aware that other people are also often caught up in their own stories and scripts. I am also becoming aware that many people fear change and use systems in small ways to resist change, suggesting the problem lies with the individual rather than the system.
Structural oppression in class, gender and race and the need for challenge are a massive part of social work training and practice. I now educate social work students on the need to look at power within systems. Yet I don't feel like I have ever truly considered this within my own life and my own work experiences.
While I am gaining insight in this area, it has felt very, very uncomfortable. An uncomfortable truth. Yet I also know that I have to lean into the discomfort as this is where transformation happens and my true self emerges. So that I am able to see what I don't want in order to know what I do want. So that I show up for others as my authentic, best self #scaryshit #smashthesytem #braveasfuck.
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